With every passing minute, my confidence grew; confidence I didn’t know I had.
Growing up, I’ve always felt like an outcast. Never quite fitting in, always shy, and insecure. I’ve always been insecure about who I am and what I am capable of. Always ashamed of the body I have and to embrace being a woman due to an unsavory event in my childhood. Additionally, my body is not what it once was after pregnancy. I know they say be proud of what you’ve brought into this world, but they don’t talk about what it does to you physically. They don’t talk about stretch marks. They don’t talk about the sagging. They don’t talk about a lot of the “after baby” stage. Most importantly, they don’t talk about how you tend to lose yourself as an individual. My insecurities hit an all time low.
When I decided to do a boudoir shoot with Chestnut Artistry and Design, it was a spur of the moment decision. I just went with my gut and a moment of “to hell with it!” The days leading up to the shoot, all I could think about was “WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING?!! I’m not sexy, I’m not “model” material. Why am I humiliating myself in this fashion. All I’m going to do is make a fool of myself. I was nervous, anxious and nauseous. Focused on only what I’m not. I was so caught up in the negative.
The minute I met with Julia, I was put at ease. I still had nerves like you wouldn’t believe, but she was encouraging and kind. She didn’t make me feel that I had to be someone I was not. She made me feel comfortable in my own skin and embraced that. She guided me through everyday poses and nothing extreme or out of the ordinary. With every passing minute, my confidence grew; confidence I didn’t know I had. Even after my session with her, I still have this confidence. I still have this sense of love for my body and all its imperfections. It’s our imperfections that make us perfect. Make us strong. Make us beautiful. It’s the struggles we’ve endured and what we’ve overcome, that make us who we are. It took me an experience like this to make me realize that. I should be PROUD of who I am and what I’ve overcome. To focus in the negative, holds you back. If you focus on the positive, you can achieve so much. Each day I gain a little more, but this experience was a cataclysm that set this confidence off.